Peter Graves

The death of Peter Graves leaves us with some unanswered questions such as ...

Did you ever hang around a gymnasium?
Do you like movies about gladiators?
Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

and, of course, have you ever seen a grown man naked?

I always liked the actors/actresses who normally played serious roles but didn't take themselves so seriously that they couldn't have a little fun. Graves certainly had some fun in the Airplane! movies. By the way, I didn't know he was the younger brother of James Arness, did you? No. No you didn't.

Ethics in Trickery

Once I saw a video of some guy on candid camera (didn’t know this was still on the air after 120 years) in an airport being told he had to lie down on a conveyor belt and be ran through an x-ray machine. He complied, several times. It was kind of funny, but during the prank he asked ‘is this candid camera?’ or ‘where’s the candid camera?’-I don’t remember verbatim and I’ve tried to find the video. At any rate, the host Peter Funt didn’t stop. The guy got angry and sued. I'm not sure exactly what the suit cited as wrongdoing but to me there’s a bigger issue than whether or not it legally had merit. Etiquette and common sense matters more than any legal action. When the guy mentioned ‘candid camera’ it should have stopped. It would have been funny, kind of, and all involved would have had a laugh, halfhearted, forced or otherwise.

I don’t have a problem with fooling people and making the unsuspecting look silly even for profit. I don’t have much tolerance for claims of ‘emotional distress’ either. I do have a problem however with the victim wising up and calling the situation and the ruse not being stopped. When they call it-IT’S OVER. It’s done. There’s a bit of grey area and arguably some wiggle room simply not to answer the victim and continue but at that point the ruse is running on fumes. You don’t explicitly lie and tell the victim ‘no, this isn’t candid camera’ (again, I don't remember verbatim but it was something like that). This is the one lie you can’t explicitly tell. The only ‘integrity’ the ruse has and the only real humor hinges on this. Otherwise it isn’t clever and the victim has demonstrated that they aren’t that stupid. The perpetrator’s lack of persuasive skill to make plausible an implausible situation looks desperate. End it!

Along the same lines I suppose, I remember a kid in school who tried to convince me of something. I don’t remember what it was, something mundane. I didn’t believe him so he started with the ‘I swear to God’s and ‘really man’s and was practically begging me to believe him so I relented and said ‘uh ... ok, alright.’ He immediately horse-laughed and called me stupid for believing him. He did this with everyone-real popular guy.

In the art/science/etiquette of trickery, be clever, be persuasive, be mean even unless it’s completely inappropriate but know how to end a ruse. Know how these things make it funny.

and yeah ... Peter Funt and what’s-his-name from elementary school ... you guys suck

Gandhi

Gandhi was a smart well-meaning guy, a pacifist and a proponent of civil disobedience. Civil disobedience and pacifism certainly have their place and sometimes work. Dr. King and others used it more or less successfully in the civil rights movement. Sometimes though, you have to abandon civility.

Gandhi's advice to Britons in WWII:

I would like you to lay down the arms you have as being useless for saving you or humanity. You will invite Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini to take what they want of the countries you call your possessions...If these gentlemen choose to occupy your homes, you will vacate them. If they do not give you free passage out, you will allow yourselves, man, woman, and child, to be slaughtered, but you will refuse to owe allegiance to them.

uh-huh. Also right after WWII, he said of the European Jews:

Hitler killed five million Jews. It is the greatest crime of our time. But the Jews should have offered themselves to the butcher’s knife. They should have thrown themselves into the sea from cliffs... It would have aroused the world and the people of Germany. As it is they succumbed anyway in their millions.

To me Gandhi seems cold, someone who perhaps values ideas more than people. As far as civil disobedience does, it doesn’t always work unless ‘work’ means you’ve taken the supposed moral high ground completely disregarding the costs which could be your and your family's lives, then I reckon it always works. Realistically it only works if your oppressor has roughly the same moral code as you do and can eventually be reasoned with. Again, he was a good and very thoughtful man. It’s just that you can take any methodology/philosophy too far. Remember what George Carlin said: "Pacifism is a good idea but it can get you killed."

Bernard Madoff

I think Bernard Madoff got what was coming to him. He’s obviously a bad bad person. He’ll die in prison. Of course it might be one of those really nice prisons with tennis courts, gourmet food and bidets. I do feel sorry for people who were trusting someone to handle their money that decided to invest with Madoff. If I were rich, I’d probably have someone handling my money too or I’d bury it in jars. Again, I feel sorry for those those whose cash ended up with Madoff because of misplaced trust in their accountants who were supposed to handle their money wisely. However, I do not feel sorry for those who took the bulk of their money and gave it to Madoff for the promise of making unrealistic returns. They should’ve known better.

I didn’t think much about it until I watched an interview of an elderly man who had lost his savings and was having to go back to work. I initially felt very sorry for him - he’d lost most of his savings which was $700,000 after investing it with Madoff. It made me angry - that was awful! Then it started to sink in that this guy already had $700,000! (a whole hell of a lot of money to me) He got greedy, tried to make more money and lost it all. There was a similar story about a family that had lost several million dollars.

This follows a familiar pattern: smart greedy people taking money from dumb greedy people. Other than scale, it’s no different than people who order get-rich-quick-without-doing-any-work-so-you-can-finally-realize-your-dreams tapes/DVDs from late night infomercials. The only people getting rich are the ones selling the tapes. Don’t misunderstand me, I admit, if I really really could make money for doing nothing and it not be illegal I guess I’d do it, but like most people, I know better. I’m sure I’m nowhere near as smart as any of Madoff’s clients. I couldn’t carry my weight in a conversation about money, the stock market, investments, and couldn’t babble on much about ‘making my money work for me.’ If I did have a good bit of money, burying it in jars in my backyard might not be a bad idea. It wouldn’t exactly be ‘working for me’ and might get downright lazy out there but unlike a lot of formerly wealthy dumb-asses, at least I’d still have it.

Busting Ours To Save Yours

I enjoy reading cars. When you see a sticker on one, it means that someone identified enough with the sentiment to take the time to buy it and place it on their vehicle. I saw a sticker on a truck a few weeks ago that read ‘Busting Ours To Save Yours.’ Of course meaning ‘busting our ass to save your ass.’ I didn’t need to explain that did I? I’ve tried to find an image of the sticker on the internet but can’t. Doesn’t matter.

My first thought was if you’re going to go on about how big of a hassle it is to save my ass then don’t bother. Furthermore, I don’t think this is the mindset of most emergency workers, volunteer or paid. From my experience, they're pretty good people.

But listen, if I’m ever in an accident, having a heart attack or whatever, I’ll certainly welcome any help from almost anyone offering it. However, if you’re one of these assholes, and I’ve met a few, who’s a little bit better than Joe Public ‘cause you’re saving the world-don’t bother. Don’t trouble yourself. Don’t bust your ass for me.

… then again, on second thought, if I’m bleeding to death or choking to death while auto erotically asphyxiating myself, go ahead. Feel free to bust yours.

What I Want for Christmas

-is this railroad bicycle or tricycle if you count that little bitty wheel (click on the image to enlarge). Note that the man at far right appears jealous-if that's the case I don't blame him. This has to be one of the coolest machines ever built. Period uniforms with boots too. If you got me this for Christmas I would be very careful. It would teach me responsibility. I wouldn’t bike the rails willy-nilly just to impress women. I’d use my bike constructively - for good, not evil. I would fight crime with it (provided the crime took place very near or on a railroad) and make you proud. Who knows, it might be you that I help. You may find yourself a victim of an attempted robbery or some unspeakable molestation. I could be there to apprehend these criminals (as long as they fled along a railroad track). By the way, I’d need a police scanner and night vision goggles, maybe a taser and some snacks. I’ll need handcuffs too. You see, I’ve thought this out. Well thank you in
advance and Merry Christmas.

Profannery

Mom invented a new word to describe some foul language she heard coming out of her television set recently. She referred to it as profannery. I googled this new word and got only one result so I’m going to credit mom with inventing it. My mom reads, has always worked crossword puzzles and is quite literate. She knows words I’ve never heard of but like a lot of older people she finds it hard, at least on some subconscious level, to utter any word that deals with sex. On rare occasions the effort to do so mangles syllables, mixes letters, and combines words resulting in a new word. Sometimes the result sounds even nastier than the more correct synonym. An example of this is my all time favorite word mom invented – Pedifeeler. Of course it means pedophile and it actually makes sense once you think about it. Go mom. There’s also the classic prevert that we’ve all heard. Mom has used prono (of course meaning porno) but I don’t think she invented that one, I’ll have to ask her. The funniest and most bizarre example of a mangled word I’ve heard was used repeatedly by a preacher I knew when I was a kid. He literally could not say the word sex. From time to time he would talk about how awful it was that these here young people were out there having sec. Even with the power of Jesus, he could not bring himself to pronounce the very last sound in the word sex. It was as if he were choking on the word itself. As a teenager this was freaking funny to listen to but it’d make me wonder - just who were these young people, where was out there and why wasn’t I with them? Then, as now, I wouldn’t mind having a little sec.