Memorial Day

Any write-up regarding Memorial Day is almost always concerned with how people, preoccupied with potato salad, don’t remember what the day is for. Cartoons depict guys playing golf through Arlington Cemetery or grilling hot dogs while the ghosts of dead soldiers look on with seeming disapproval.

Please don’t misunderstand me, there’s a lot of truth in the notion that people don’t quite understand what Memorial Day observes and many don’t care. For me, it’s become that time of year where I get inundated with emails reminding me of this. It’s just that some of this material leans more toward über patriotism than thoughtful solemn remembrance. Again, we should be very thankful for those who gave their lives in combat and be thoughtful of the intentions and the results of the military conflicts that this country has been involved with. Also, if I gave my life for something I’d want to be remembered too.

However, perhaps instead of simple blind patriotism, it’d be a good idea to bone up on some history. If you want to actually ‘honor’ those fallen then find out a little about when, why and where they died and for what exactly.

and, was it really worth it?

All this aside, I honestly think in my heart of hearts (or brain of brains I suppose) that if one could talk to the average solder who gave their life in battle they’d smile and say something like ‘Thanks for remembering. Now go the hell on and enjoy the day off and spend a little time with your family before you have to go back to work tomorrow.’

Mens Kissin’ Mens

That title comes from something Early Cuyler said in a Squidbillies episode. That’s where I get most of my inspiration.

Friday I was stopped in traffic behind a Tracker or some jeep like vehicle. The back of it was open so it was easy to see the driver and passenger in front of me. I was sitting there staring waiting for it to go when the light turned. I noticed the driver and the passenger leaned toward each other and kissed. It was a quick kiss on the lips, no prolonged PDA. They were both men. My immediate train of thought was this:

Did they see me see them?
Jeez, How long have I stared at them?
Is the driver looking at me? (both were wearing sun glasses so it was hard to tell)
If he saw me looking at him he’ll think I’m just another narrow minded bible belt conservative jerk and I’m not! Really. Like the bumper sticker reads - ‘I’m straight but not narrow.’
Did Matt, my 14 year old son sitting beside me, see them? He hasn’t said anything. Don’t tell him! He’ll stare or point or something.
Don't say anything.
The driver’s looking at me, I know it.
Did I raise my eyebrows?
Did I raise either eyebrow?
Did my eyes bulge any?
Damn, he thinks I’m one of them thar homophobes. I just know it.
How do I let them know I’m not?
I got it! I’ll give them a thumbs up. That’ll solve everything.
No no no. Jesus, don’t do that. What am I, crazy?
Just don't do anything, I've done enough as it is!
Sigh…this is somehow all my fault.
(green light)
whew

When you tend to be a self-conscious liberal who tries not to hurt anyone’s feelings, it’s easy to think yourself into these ridiculous corners. I don't truly know how others feel and I'm certain that same-sex couples get plenty of static from strangers. I would however go as far as saying that many reactions, stares and the like, are probably mistaken for outright disapproval. I'm guessing that much of the time it’s probably nothing more than people reacting as they do to anything they rarely see.

TV Network for My Mom

Mom worries. She and her cats worry a lot as do many older widows. I was thinking that there could be a special television/cable network for these people. It could be called ITSOK-TV. The slogan could be “Where it’s ok, really Mom, it’s ok.” It’s ok all of the time. It would be formatted to fit the old soothing black and white bulbous cathode ray tube style televisions. None of this wide screen nonsense where they cut off the top and the bottom of the picture-Mom, bless her heart, thinks that’s what they do. The network could show Matlock and have news about kittens. The viewer would be pacified every 10 minutes by explicitly being told that ‘it’s ok’ from a nice man in a suit. More frequent subliminal and product placement style messages would reinforce this message. Someone could be drinking a can of ‘IT’S OK’ cola for instance. It could be sponsored by Geritol and Willard Scott could send out happy birthday wishes. All shows would end happily and somehow involve a cute animal. All bad guys would see the error of their ways and turn over a new leaf.

Mom worries. When I told her that my younger son was travelling to Atlanta on a field trip, she worried that he and his classmates would turn the bus over. That’s right, turn the bus over. She had seen some news about a school bus flipping over and was worried that Matt and his friends would start rocking their bus and turn it over. I assured Mom that Matt would not turn his bus over. I even considered making Matt promise her but didn’t. By the way, they’re back and they didn’t turn the bus over unless they did and they’re just not telling me.

There would be no school buses flipping over on ITSOK-TV. No China acting all crazy putting people into space. No skanky ladies in skanky reality shows. No terrorism. No talk of drugs. No politics. And definitely no mention of a colored president.

It’s ok. Really.

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