TV Network for My Mom

Mom worries. She and her cats worry a lot as do many older widows. I was thinking that there could be a special television/cable network for these people. It could be called ITSOK-TV. The slogan could be “Where it’s ok, really Mom, it’s ok.” It’s ok all of the time. It would be formatted to fit the old soothing black and white bulbous cathode ray tube style televisions. None of this wide screen nonsense where they cut off the top and the bottom of the picture-Mom, bless her heart, thinks that’s what they do. The network could show Matlock and have news about kittens. The viewer would be pacified every 10 minutes by explicitly being told that ‘it’s ok’ from a nice man in a suit. More frequent subliminal and product placement style messages would reinforce this message. Someone could be drinking a can of ‘IT’S OK’ cola for instance. It could be sponsored by Geritol and Willard Scott could send out happy birthday wishes. All shows would end happily and somehow involve a cute animal. All bad guys would see the error of their ways and turn over a new leaf.

Mom worries. When I told her that my younger son was travelling to Atlanta on a field trip, she worried that he and his classmates would turn the bus over. That’s right, turn the bus over. She had seen some news about a school bus flipping over and was worried that Matt and his friends would start rocking their bus and turn it over. I assured Mom that Matt would not turn his bus over. I even considered making Matt promise her but didn’t. By the way, they’re back and they didn’t turn the bus over unless they did and they’re just not telling me.

There would be no school buses flipping over on ITSOK-TV. No China acting all crazy putting people into space. No skanky ladies in skanky reality shows. No terrorism. No talk of drugs. No politics. And definitely no mention of a colored president.

It’s ok. Really.