Well, I saw the first half at least. Also, it was more than just one pageant, it was for girls K through 12. This was held at Patton High School this past Saturday where my younger son Matthew goes to school. He plays guitar and was one of the people asked to provide some entertainment. He enlisted his older brother Mitchell to back him up and they picked a song for the audience. Apparently the organizers were unaware that my boys merely strumming their testosterone laden metal chords could accelerate the contestants’ young biological clocks catapulting them into womanhood. The boys played just fine but no one in charge seemed to know how to hook their guitars to the school’s sound system so they were forced to drag their amps out on stage tethered by drop cords.
The rest of the show/pageant that I saw went ok I guess. I never really cared for beauty pageants but the girls looked like they were genuinely having fun so I won’t pee on their pageant. Also, it’s one of those institutions that’s just too easy to ridicule so I won’t. Plus, I understand that entering and winning or just running up in pageants is a good way to get scholarship money and nowadays I guess a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.
The one thing that didn’t occur to me until the show started was just how awkward and very uncomfortable it was to watch. You see, there I was, alone, on the front row, to the side where I think everyone including the families of these girls could see me supposedly enjoying the show. If I were the father of a contestant, I’m not sure if I’d been comfortable having strangers, especially fat hairy middle aged men sizing up my daughter. In front of me each girl was strutting her prepubescent, semi-pubescent or fully bloomed sassy pubescent stuff during the casual wear portion of the show. The music for this part of the show sounded like something I’d heard at the Uptown Cabaret. At one point I realized I was slunk down in my seat as far as I could go and was staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t have felt more like a pedophile if Chris Hanson had shown up. Finally there was an intermission and the opportunity to help gather the guitars and amps and leave. As I was exiting with the final piece of equipment I looked back through the window in the door and caught the talent portion of the show starting up. There was a girl, looked about 9 or 10 dressed in her little gymnast outfit smiling, kicking, twisting and bending all over the place – I was glad I was out of there.
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